I’ll be flying to Los Angeles Saturday morning and I’m scared as hell. The last time I did something like this, it took 10 years for my life to make sense again. I’m scared that I will screw this up again. Last time wasn’t my fault but I still had to live in limbo regardless who was to blame. I’ll either reach the clouds, where I reside in my dreams, or I’ll fall short in tragic fashion.
Emotionally I’m not ready to leave my family in Chicago. My worst nightmare is achieving all that I’ve ever wanted while losing the people I care about a long the way. I’m afraid everything will change as soon as I leave. It’s funny how life plays out. I sat in Chicago for years wanting everything to change, and now that it’s here I’m not as happy about it as I thought I’d be.
Pray for whatever you want, but you don’t get decide how you’ll be blessed. Before I started school again in 2018, I cried tears of hopelessness. I couldn’t see a path to my purpose. I felt burdened by ambition while drowning in a pool of self sabotage.
Editor’s Note: I was too emotional last week to finish.